The Ins and Outs of an Ordinary Life

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Dark Side

Google "benefits exercise" and you will get over 5 million hits! But google "disadvantages exercise and you only get 460,000 hits. The fit life does have its dark side, and it should not be ignored. So here it is: the Top Ten Disadvantages of a Healthy Lifestyle.
  1. Excessive laundry. When DH and I were sick for a week, I only had half as much laundry. Working out increases the amount of laundry by close to 100%. That's alot of clothes to fold and put away! As a corollary, somewhere between entering the washing machine and exiting the dryer, socks seem to be running away, perhaps to a singles sock hop in a secret location. I sure as hell can't figure out where all the missing socks have gone!
  2. Helmet hair, goggle eyes and ugly toe syndrome. Need I say more?
  3. Too many T-shirts and water bottles. Not only do they accumulate from various races and events, but athletic type people have some kind of force field surrounding them that attracts T-shirts and water bottles. "Oh, I can wear that shirt working out." "Sure, I'll take it, I can sleep in it even if it's size triple XL." "I like this water bottle because I can fit ice cubes in it." In my house, we even have a T-Shirt Hall of Fame (I'm not kidding). Sometimes we just can't get rid of a favorite shirt, even if it's full of holes and doesn't fit.
  4. Lopsided shoulders from always carrying at least 1 extra bag. Gym bag, lunch bag, change of clothes. Even if you're just carrying it to your car, when was the last time you left the house with only 1 bag?
  5. You are either too lazy or just don't have the time to change the playlists on your iPod. You are stuck in a musical rut. And you are bored with it but you still don't get around to changing it.
  6. You are obsessed with numbers-- heart rate, mileage, speed, cadence, calories, laps. The need to remember and contemplate the meaning of all these numbers leaves less room in your brain for other information, like your dental appointment and the need to buy food.
  7. Hair removal-- you have to be more diligent. You can't let it slide, even in the winter.
  8. All your towels end up as gym towels. No matter how many towels you buy, no matter what color, you never have nice clean towels for your guests.
  9. Catalogs seem to be breeding in your mailbox. Most of these companies also send you daily emails to remind you of free shipping for the rest of your life, 10% off of everything you don't need and closeouts on ugly apparel. As a result, your recycling bins (both real and virtual) are overflowing.
  10. Maintaining good vision is a full-time job, between glasses, contact lenses, goggles, sunglasses, protective eyewear, reading glasses, putting them in, taking them off, keeping them on, prescription this, and non-prescription that. You need a flow chart to keep track of all the options. Lose 1 item in your visual system and you are screwed.

1 comment:

leslie said...

Shelly -- too funny! I can relate to nearly every item on the list, and you speak the truth!