The Ins and Outs of an Ordinary Life

Friday, May 16, 2008

Peace On Your Path

I had dinner with a bunch of ladies to celebrate J’s new job and her birthday. The ladies present were an expanded version of the “Book Club that Doesn’t Read the Book.” They would pick a book, not read it, but then spend hours talking about life in general (sex, boyfriends, sex, lovers, sex, husbands, sex). It’s all about supporting each other and the stories. In fact, one of the ladies is the designated “Keeper of the Stories.” There may be a book, and after one evening, I can see that she has a lot of material to work with!

  • Going to a bar mitzvah service (to which you have not been invited) to see how your lover and his wife interact—is the magic really gone? (I have definitely seen this episode of Sex and the City). Having fat wife sit directly behind you and greet you with “Shabbat Shalom.”
  • Getting fired because you used your boss’ credit card to pay for a hotel room for some nookie with your lover, then having to intercept FedEx delivery of severance agreement (which very clearly states the reason you are being canned) and substitute a forged copy which has very carefully been prepared on stolen company letterhead so your husband doesn’t find out.
  • Being told by your physician that the reason you have a puffy face, a black eye, and blood all over your pillow is because you probably smashed into a wall while sleepwalking after taking Ambien.

The winning story belongs to L, who made a trip to Europe with a dear friend. Before leaving, her boyfriend gave her a beautifully wrapped gift and told her not to open it until she got to her destination and had some quiet time. When she got to Berlin and opened the package, she found a small box of cheap chocolates (the type you can buy at the check-out counter at CVS) and an envelope. On the envelope was written, “Make this the best trip of your life.” Inside was a typed letter, beginning with “I am breaking up with you.” She spent the next week traveling through Germany sharing the letter with every tourist she met along the way, and took pictures of each of them holding the letter. Most agreed it was the most demented and self-serving bullshit they had ever read. The letter’s signature line was “Peace on your path.”

Today I couldn't resist. I signed one of my emails, “Peace on your path, Shelly."


leslie said...

Wow, you've got some fascinating friends, Shelly! Can't believe anyone would be so toxic and cowardly as to do the chocolate break up thing.

Love the name of the club!

Audrey said...

I wish I had amazing enough stories to be in your book club!!!

(ps. i liked your post about eye health!)