The Ins and Outs of an Ordinary Life

Monday, September 11, 2006

Pass Interference

Waiting for the bus from Giants Stadium to Arena parking lot, slightly drunk man steps in front of me. Pass Interference. Penalty: He has to move halfway to the back of the line.

Leaving Giants Stadium, 3 lanes merge into 1 to get on the NJ Turnpike. Dirtbag driving Suburban cuts me off. Pass Interference. Penalty: He has to return halfway to the stadium parking lot. Throw in a personal foul for driving that gas guzzling monster, and he has to go all the way back to the stadium parking lot.

Driving home, son #1 changes radio station, son #2 calls pass interference. Penalty: son #1 loses control of the radio for half of remaining time in the car.

Monday morning, son #1 gets to sleep an hour later than son #2 because he doesn't have a first period class and can drive to school. Pass Interference. Penalty: son #1 has to drive son #2 to Cold Stone Creamery. Seems reasonable to me.

Commuting into NYC, man stands in front of me on train platform as train approaches. Pass Interference. Penalty: He has to return halfway to his car in the parking lot and miss the train. Ha!

Coffee break, deli across the street, purchasing refreshments for myself and a colleague. Deli worker ignores me requiring supervisory deli worker to tell him to help me and then gives me only 1 little jelly package for my colleague's pumpernickel bagel. Guess what deli worker, that's PASS INTERFERENCE. Penalty: forfeit half of the grape jelly packages and pumpernickel bagels in the deli.

As you can see, I am a ruthless referee, handing out penalties whenever I feel like it, just like NFL referees. And I don't have to wear a stupid zebra striped shirt either!

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