It's All Good

What a great weekend, ending with a Giants victory that is sending them to the Super Bowl. What a great football game! There were a lot of very excited people in my house last night. Son #2 had his posse here, and they were going crazy when the kick was good. Things got a little bit crazier around here when I opened the email this morning and realized that we have 2 tickets to the Super Bowl. Details are being worked out, but DH and I have decided that if it’s at all possible, we are going to send our kids. That seems a better alternative than trying to come up with 1 or 2 more tickets. Of course we could sell these tickets and make a nice little bundle of cash, but our children would probably never forgive us. The upside f this decision is that both of my children will do anything I ask of them with no lame excuses or backtalk. They jump when I say jump! Might as well enjoy it while I can.

The weekend began bright and early on Saturday when I showed up at the gym at 8:00 for my first workout with the Masters Swim Team (Team, every time I type that I crack up!). I am one of three “beginners,” but I’m probably the most beginning beginner. But the coach is fantastic and gave me quite a bit of instruction. I wish I had a dime for every time he told me to keep my head down. Swim in the water, not on the water. I was in the pool for over an hour when I got a cramp in my calf, so that was it for me. It wasn’t an intense workout because I didn’t swim more than 50 yards without stopping and talking with the coach. But it was all good. I don’t know if I will be ready to swim freestyle in the triathlon, but I don’t really care at this point. I’m so freakin’ happy that I’m learning to swim and enjoying it. I thought I was reasonably fit before I started on my swimming journey. I have a new respect for swimmers and swimming as a fitness activity.

On Sunday, I met a couple of other triathletes at another gym for an all morning workout extravaganza followed by a girltalk lunch. Now that was fun! We jumped in the pool for about a half hour, then we threw on our bike shorts for a 40 minute spin class and then we did an hour Total Body Conditioning class. I was ready to kill the instructor if she yelled, “Lower! Hold it” one more time during the bazillion squats she had us doing. This was quite the workout and I’m feeling it today. I have the day off today, and I think I’m ready to head to the gym for an easy workout.

Cutting the Cord

On Saturday, DH and I deposited son #1 in his dorm room at the University of Delaware. It was a loooooong day. The traffic on I-95 was horrendous so it took us longer than expected to get there. When we finally arrived and got out of the car, it was 97 degrees. I kid you not. We carried all his belongings up 2 flights of stairs to his hot and stuffy room. His roommate (who seems like a perfectly normal friendly young man) had already arrived and gotten set up, so he and his family were able to step back and let us cram more stuff into their little room. He had to “gather” with his freshman family at 5:00, so we didn’t have a whole lot of time to help him get things together. It was probably better this way, so I didn’t have the opportunity to linger and avoid the inevitable final hug and goodbye. So at 4:55, the cord was cut. Holy shit, where has the time gone? It can’t possibly be 13 years since I had to bribe him with chocolate milk to get him out of bed on his first day of kindergarten. Or over 18 years since the obstetrician said “it’s a boy!” and I said “I know” because even though I didn’t know, I knew.

I expected to cry a good portion of the ride home, but I didn’t. The cord has been stretching tighter and gotten very frayed, so the final cut was less painful than I anticipated. But despite being exhausted when we finally got home, I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking of all the things I could have done for him, but didn’t have the time, or wondering what he was doing, and just thinking about how exciting this is. And I just plain miss him. There is definitely a little hole, a piece missing somewhere in my soul. I don’ think that will ever go away, I just have to get better at dealing with it. And I know my DH is experiencing something different. As much as he loves son #1, and I’m sure misses having him around, there was no cord connecting them.

I was fine on Sunday, maybe a little tired from not getting too much sleep. In the evening, I sent an email off to him, suggesting that he put his trunk in his closet instead of under his bed. Even though the cord has been cut, I’m still his mother!

Senior Prank Gone Bad

This has been a very interesting week in our school district. My son is a senior and will be graduating this Friday. Since he had no final or Regents exams, he went to work last Saturday (he works at a camp in Pennsylvania). Before he left, he contributed $5 to a "senior prank" which involved placing 100 alarm clocks in the school, all set to go off at 9:15 am on the last day of classes. What he didn't know was that the prank involved breaking into the school on Sunday night to hide the clocks. Well, that's when things started to go bad. The kids set off an alarm, the police showed up, and when they saw alarm clocks duct taped to the walls, they had to call the bomb squad. In the end, 19 seniors were arrested (those that were in the building as well as the "lookouts") and they are being charged with a felony. Their day in court is today. These students will graduate but they are not being permitted to attend graduation ceremonies. An additional 40 students (in a class of 215) who financed the prank (including son #1) must perform 5 hours of Community service (cleaning the schools under the supervision of the custodial staff) in order to earn back the privilege of attending graduation.

Now I have mixed feelings about the way the school district is handling this. They have very clearly drawn a line in the sand and will not back down from these decisions. While everyone knows that this was an incredibly stupid thing to do, even the administration has admitted that they never intended this to be about bombs. And while the police had no choice but to bring in the bomb-sniffing dog, I'm not sure the students should be charged with a felony. I don' think that will stick once they go to court today, but I think it was a bit heavy handed. And as for my son and his cohort, the original statement was that they would be required to do "community service," which my son was perfectly willing to do in Pennsylvania. Having them clean the schools smells more like punishment than community service. These kids were buying into something far more innocuous and are being punished for something that was really out of their control. He is coming home for the day to "do his time," but he has made it clear he is doing this for his grandmothers. My mom is coming up from Florida for graduation and my mother-in-law (who is dying) will certainly want to see the photos.

All of this was, of course, reported in the local paper, but we also got space in the New York Times over the weekend. Unlike the local paper, the NY Times got it right. These events are a commentary on "these times," and the aftermath of Columbine and Virginia Tech. That forced the administration to draw a line in the sand and watch students and families line up on both sides of the line. Two friends of son #1 are among those arrested. I feel for them and their families. I hope all goes well today when they appear before the town judge.

The Short Answer

Son #1 works as a counselor at a summer camp. The staff arrives in dribs and drabs in the weeks preceding the arrival of the campers. They call it "work camp," and I'm sure they do work setting up the facilities, etc. I think it's also a good time. No kids to worry about, nobody cares if you're a total slob, 3 meals a day, and party time. Since he has no final exams (he took AP exams in May), he will be going to camp on Saturday. As in the day after tomorrow. When camp ends, he will be home for a week or so, and then he's off to college! So these are probably the final days of him living at home. I know, some kids return home after college and parents have a hard time getting rid of them! Sure, he'll be home in a couple of weeks for graduation, and then again when he has college orientation. But right now I'm looking through a short lens and I am coming to terms with this reality. So this is it. It has forced me to think about so many things, but basically, did DH and I do good job preparing him for this? And the short answer is yes. Senior prom was last week and when I look at the pictures of him and his friends and classmates, I see grown-ups, adults, beautiful men and women. Yes, there's that whole "where did the time go" feeling, but mostly it's about the future, what lies ahead for them. And because the short answer is yes, I see wonderful opportunities, discovery, and new horizons.

But just short of the new horizons is the beachfront, which right now is littered with piles of laundry, a shopping list, and a very messy house. This is also my reality. I just feel a little bit happier tackling everyday life when the short answer is yes.

DIY Boot Camp (or the ADHD Workout)

Today was too nice a day to be in the gym. I contemplated going out for a bike ride, but I wasn't in the mood for a solo ride. I ran 2.5 miles yesterday and I didn't want to put too much additional mileage on my knee (I'm not supposed to run on consecutive days). So I decided to go to the track and do whatever. I rummaged around and I found a teeny tiny soccer ball, a jump rope, an elastic band and a nerf Vortex (see photo). Add in a heart rate monitor, an iPod, a bottle of water and I was ready to rock!
I was pretty much the only person using the track for the hour that I was there. That was good because I didn't feel goofy. I kinda made things up and when something got too hard or just wasn't working or wasn't fun, I did something else. I dribbled the teeny tiny soccer ball down the football field first with my right foot then with my left. I did the same thing with the Vortex-- I threw it as far as I could, ran to retrieve it and then threw it down the field again until I scored a "touchdown." First I threw it with my right arm then I did it with my left (that was a sorry sight, glad no one was watching). I did dips and push ups off the bench and did some arm/shoulder exercises with the band. I tied the band around my ankles and did sidewinders down the track, then I took it off and did sideways jumpy/leapy things going the other way. I did one lap jumping rope and another running backwards. It may not have been the most efficient workout, I didn't work on upper body or lower body, I didn't even get in a real cardio thing, but it was fun! I'm sure if I really thought about it I could put together a really tough workout that would kick my butt.

Assassin- the Game continues. Both of my kids went on a stake-out with their waterguns, binoculars and walkie talkies. There are alliances, setups, and much covert activity. I'm staying out of it, that's for sure.

Apology

I called the assassin last night, the one that got the ticket. He wasn't home, but I had a conversation with his mom. She wasn't at all angry about the whole deal, although her son was very upset when he came home. She made sure to tell me that she made it very clear to him that there was to be no "payback," which I was relieved to hear. She thanked me for calling and agreed to pass on my apology to her son. I got the feeling she didn't want me to speak with him directly. I have also decided that i am going to mail him a check to reimburse him for the ticket.
Son #1 thinks I'm crazy, son #2 thinks I'm doing a good thing. So perhaps the life lesson has not been totally lost. And I certainly feel better.

Yesterday I ran 1.75 miles, still pain-free. I felt it a little when I got off the treadmill, but that subsided and my knee is not at all stiff today. I have been icing it after I run, and I think that is key.

Eat Me Eat Me

When I got off the train today, the Girl Scouts had a table set up to sell Girl Scout Cookies. They cost $3.50/box. Three girls, one of whom was wearing a cookie costume, greeted commuters with this catchy little jingle-- "Eat me, Eat me, I'm Just $3.50."
Their mothers tried to get them to change their marketing strategy, but were not successful. How do you explain to 7 and 8 year old girls that "eat me" goes way beyond cookies. I chuckled and then I bought one box of Thin Mints from the Eat Me Girl Scout Chorus.

Assassin--The Game

NOTE: This post may seem insensitive to some in the aftermath of the Virgina Tech tragedy. I considered not writing about it, but decided that this is really about what happened to me yesterday, an ordinary person living in an extraordinary world. It has nothing to do with what happened at Virginia Tech or I how I feel about what happened there. If you find it offensive in any way, well, that's how you feel and you are entitled to feel that way.

My kids are playing a game called Assassin that involves just about the entire high school. You pay $5 to join. Everyone is divided into teams of 3. You are given a target team and you have to assassinate the members of that team. Assassination involves shooting them with a water gun. Every week the remaining teams are given new targets, so this involves several weeks of devotion and planning. The last team standing collects a big chunk of money. There are many rules that govern the game. For example, the game is not played during school hours (for obvious reasons).

Yesterday, son #2 went to the Yankee game. When he got off of the train, he saw the truck belonging to one of the kids that he knows is after him. He knew he wouldn’t make it down the stairs to my car without getting assassinated so he locked himself in the bathroom. The 3 assassins recognized me so they knew that he was hiding somewhere and they were determined to wait it out. They soon figured out that he had locked himself in the bathroom. For the next 30 minutes, we conversed via cell phone trying to figure out how he was going to get out of the bathroom without getting assassinated. This involved calling the 3 assassins who are targeting the 3 assassins that are trying to assassinate my son, which was effective in eliminating only 1 of the 3. Are you with me? So he’s now been in the bathroom for close to an hour and I’m getting tired of waiting for him to emerge, so I decided to call the police, to see if I could get them to chase the kids away. So I called and complained to the police that these kids were driving around the parking lot in circles, running up and down the stairs and shooting water guns and being pretty annoying to other passengers (all of it true). The police showed up at around the same time that the station manager unlocked the bathroom door and son #2 was officially assassinated. None of the assassins were in the truck, but the police did stop them and talk to them and I presume tell them to get lost. At this point, their mission was accomplished so they were glad to oblige. They piled into the truck and took off. My son emerged, slightly wet and we followed. When we got out of the train station lot, we saw that the police essentially waited for the boys to get into the truck and they pulled them over as soon as they pulled out onto the main road. Luckily, they hadn’t done anything wrong, like speeding or running stop signs, but the police did give him a ticket for having a tinted windshield.

The more I thought about it, the crappier I felt about it. I certainly never wanted these kids to get in trouble with the police, I just wanted them to get shooed away so I could get my son out of the bathroom (without being assassinated). So yes, I was playing the game too. And I realized that involving the police was an inappropriate way to play the game. I am also concerned that my kids may be the target of a “payback.” I have always tried to impress upon my kids that their behaviors have consequences, and this is certainly an example. But quite frankly, my kids are both too busy laughing their asses off to appreciate the life lesson. But I am still having conversations with my super-ego.

PT or BS

I started physical therapy for my knee. I have to tell you, I am not convinced that these therapists really know what is wrong with my knee. Sometimes my hamstrings are tight and that’s what’s causing my knee to track improperly, the next time my hamstrings aren’t that tight but my quads are weak, or my IT band is tight. I feel like every person with a “knee problem” gets the same therapy program. Last week I was finally allowed 10 minutes on the bike at level 1. I was told to stop if I had any pain. I wanted to scream at her, “I CAN RIDE THE FUCKING BIKE FOR AN HOUR WITH NO PAIN, THE ONLY TIME I HAVE ANY PAIN IS WHEN I RUN AS I HAVE TOLD YOU EVERY TIME I COME HERE.” But I didn’t, I rode the bike for 10 pain-free minutes. Then I went to Dallas on business and I didn’t do any exercising or bike riding for 3 days. All I did was sit around in meetings and airports. I got home on Friday night and on Saturday morning, my knee was bothering me. FROM DOING NOTHING. I went to the gym anyway, did my 10 minutes on the bike, did all my exercises, and it was still bothering me. So I took Sunday off and it feels better today. I am determined to give this PT program the benefit of the doubt and I will continue to do exactly what is prescribed, but right now my feeling is that it isn’t doing anything for my knee and that when all is said and done, I will be in exactly the same place as when I started.

I have been making friends with the UBE at the gym. I find that it is very difficult to get my heart rate up and sustain the activity for any length of time. It’s one or the other. On Saturday I was on it for 20 minutes. My heart rate monitor wasn’t registering but I doubt I got my heart rate much higher than 100. I burned 60 calories! This is so frustrating. Well, at least my shoulders got a workout.

On the homefront, Son #1 got his first acceptance to college, to SUNY Geneseo. It is not one of his top picks, but at least we know he has one in the bank and he is going to college next year.

Thank You Malcolm Bump

This weekend is the Malcolm Bump Debate Tournament. This is a premiere event in HS debate and the primary fund-raiser for the school's forsensics teams (debate and speech). Parents are essential to the operations of the tournament. We take care of feeding the kids and the judges as well as arranging for housing the students with families in the district on Friday night. We will bring home 5 or 6 HS debaters, throw them in the basement, allow them to play video games all night if they want, and feed them milk and donuts in the morning before returning them to the HS on Saturday morning. DH and I are also going to be judging Public Forum (one of 3 debate events at the tournament).

When my son joined the debate team, I didn’t realize what I was getting into. In addition to the typical parental duties (driving here and there to drop off and pick up, donations of food and money to team activities), debate mommies and daddies have to judge at tournaments. If a team is sending X number of debaters to a tournament, then they have to provide X/3 number of judges. If your kid wants to go to lots of tournaments, then you have to go to lots of tournaments too. My son has learned more from being a member of the debate team than he has from sitting in HS classes for 3+ years. And I have learned a great deal, too. Most of my education has had math and science at its foundation. There was very little thinking involved. There was an occasional English class with a few required papers, but most of the time I was required to memorize large quantities of facts for a short period of time. Shovel in, spit out, repeat. Now, as a judge, I listen to these incredibly bright students debate topics as diverse as foreign policy, the death penalty, and domestic violence. Certainly my analytical skills have been of value, but I have no doubt that judging has forced me to sharpen my critical thinking skills. Now I look for opportunities to enhance these skills and to engage my son in lively conversations. I find myself actually reading and pondering the Op-Ed page and looking for opinion pieces online to read on the train. I listen to NPR’s podcast of On the Media. I have discovered the right side of my brain! So thank you Malcolm Bump.