The Ins and Outs of an Ordinary Life

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wobble Snort Flap Gasp Burp

I have earnestly been teaching myself how to swim. I have made significant progress, but the experience has been humbling. I wobble down the lane. I swallow water as well as snort it up my nose. After 50 yards, I am gasping for oxygen. If I think about what my arms are doing, my legs forget to kick. If I make sure my legs are kicking, my arms are flapping. I haven’t even thought about what my head should be doing. But I’m improving, I’m definitely getting better. And the weird thing is, I am starting to enjoy it. I actually look forward to getting in the pool. It’s like Lance says, “Feed the Warrior, Kill the Coward Within.” Do not be deceived. I am only 5 feet tall, but I am fierce.

And so, it is time for the next step. I have decided to join the Masters Swim Team at my gym. “Team” is a misnomer, although some of the members do compete. It’s more of a “Swim Workout for Grownups.” The aquatics director has assured me that the coach is very open to working with swimmers of all levels. The limiting factor is my comfort level for being the slowest crappiest swimmer in the pool. That works for me. I’m practically guaranteed to win “Rookie of the Year.” (realize that I am the only member of the Awards Committee). I just hope my teammates don’t swim over me as I wobble snort flap gasp across the pool. Oh, and did I mention burp. That comes a little later, after I swallow and snort enough water.


leslie said...

I was cracking up as I read your description of swimming. That is SO me when I'm in the pool, which is like, um, never! Good for you for going outside -- way outside -- of your comfort zone!

I'm off to boxing camp, which is on another planet when compared to my comfort zone. Have a great day Shelly!

miss petite america said...

dude you are waaaaay braver than i am to join the masters team. but just think of how good you'll get and how fast!

swimming requires waaaaaay too much thinking. i am the exact same way in the pool. though the plus side is that swimming works all of my very neglected muscles.